why do we always fight
why doesn't it feel like he loves me as much anymore
why do i feel ugly
why do i feel fat
why do i feel like he thinks that
why am i home on a saturday night
why aren't i happy
why are all of my friends so unintentionally oblivious
why does lkjoiuytryteweqasfdg
:(

paranoia?

Life's pretty sweet right now. Can't really complain. Finals are just coming up, and it really sucks because this whole week is going to be hell, along with the week following it. I don't really like any of my old friends, except Sara and Rollie. I wish Katelyn lived on Long Island, she really does too much for me. People at school are great, with the exception of some. I love my professors, except like two lol.

I don't really want to drink anymore. I don't like how I act. and i'm really afraid something bad might happen some day, because i drink entireley too much. Most of the time, I dont even remember how i got home, or who i was with, or where my mo ney went or anything. It's really really really scary. The only problem is, if I don't drink, i'm either sitting int he corner texting having everyone ask me what's wrong, or i'm sitting in my dorm while everyone is out. I pride myself on not being one of those girls who's all over every guy, fucks them, and then says oh wait i have a boyfriend. I'll just never become that, I hate that.

Jer is retarded and really takes everything the wrong way. I blew a kiss at emily, and he was in front of her so he thought i was doing it to him, and he like winked at me and ever since then its been like be on top of me 24/7........NO.

i'm kind of scared for how hard i fell for taylor. i'm actually really scared. the last time i felt like this, it didnt last too long, and when it was over, i was lower than low. I dont want to get hurt. I can't get hurt...especially like that, ever again. i can't have the whole cycle of "i love you so much" to the next day " i fucking can't stand you anymore, were over." to like 3 months later when i'm actulaly over him " i miss you, lets be together again, k?" I don't really see what was so great about that asshole anyway, I get so fucking angry with myself when I think of how i LET HIM treat me, jeez. Atleast he doesn't have my number anymore.

But what probably scares me the most is being forgotten, like taylor talks about her now like he never even loved her. Maybe he's just saying that to me to make it not awkward, but maybe he's not? Maybe he only loved her for a short amount of time, and then just dealt with her the whole time they were going out. Maybe he just pretended to love her when he really didn't...what if he's doing that to me? i wouldnt know. she didnt know. Like what if to his next girlfriend he says " HA ally yeah i hardly even liked her" cause he's said to me before " you don't understand, i didnt really like her"...And i can't help but compare myself, what if she was a better girlfriend than me, more fun? prettier? more thoughtful? HAHA WOW, i just read that and i think entireley way too much, feels good to get out though, cause god knows i would never say that to anyone... All i want to do is make him happy, simple as that.

bahahahahahaha i had a dream last night that marilyn moved back to ny and he broke up with me for her hahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahaha i am so pathetic. I woke up and seriously wanted to hit my head against the wall, i'm so gay sometimes, like why would i dream that? hm concious in the back of my head, go away!

I guess I'm writing so much because I dont have my stupid journal anymore, i thought it was better not to bring that to college. I MADE A GOOD DECISION FOR ONCE! Tomorrow's 5 years without Aunt Kerri, it's still weird. Life's weird. Everythings weird. I'm weird? yes.

whatever.

OH and ps; juicycampus.com is the worst website that has ever been made. stop the hate and start the peace.

Installing Your Next Interior or Exterior Door Installing a new door can make a big difference to the interior or the exterior of a home. If you think that painting your existing door will not improve the door enough for you, then a new door is a wise investment. Many people also replace their doors when they are drafty, badly insulated, or do not fit properly into the door frame. A high quality new door can lower the costs of heating or cooling your home because it probably has better insulation than your old door. Vintage doors are often made of cheap materials like plywood, while today's doors are better made, although you may end up paying more dearly for them. For instance you can pay five hundred dollars for a new front door, but the door is usually reinforced with metal for safety reasons. The three kinds of doors are interior doors (which more often than not do not have locks on them), entry doors (extremely sturdy doors with safety measures to keep out burglars and other undesirables), and combination doors such as storm or screen doors. Installing doors is a project that you can probably do by yourself, although sometimes it is a two-person job if the door is especially heavy. Usually one person needs to hold the door up while the second person takes it off its hinges. Doors can be purely functional, purely decorative, or a little of both. For instance, many people have front or entry doors with decorative windows cut out of them. Stained or marbled glass is a popular addition to front doors with cutouts. Some people have a front door of solid wood, but then put a decorative storm door outside of that to keep their house well insulated. Then they can leave the solid door open during the day and admire the view through the storm door. You can usually buy doors in standard sizes for your door frame. Only rarely will you have to cut them to the right size. If there is a special kind of wood you would like to use however, or want to save yourself some money, you can order wood from a lumberyard to your specifications. Make sure you take precise measurements of the old door before you order. A new door requires handles - a door set. You can buy a kit at a hardware store to install on your door or get a professional to do it. The most important thing to remember when installing your door kit is to make sure everything measures up properly. You need to set your hinges before you drill a hole in your new door. Once you make sure everything is aligned in high fashion, then you can install your door kit. The door should close all the way when you are done, or you have done something wrong. Sometimes you might just have to adjust the screws in the hinges to fix the problem. Other times, you may need to cut a sliver off the door.

A 'How To' Guide to Interior and Exterior House Painting

Painting both the interior and exterior of a house will not only refresh peeling, dirty paintwork, but will also maintain the beauty and life of the wood, render, or wall plaster.

Preparation in house-painting is the key to success. Interior walls should be washed with sugar soap to remove all traces of grease and dirt and then thoroughly rinsed with clean water. Any flaking plaster or cracks will need to be sanded down and re- filled with plaster. It is possible to buy ready made filler suitable for plaster which is really easy to use. Interior wood also needs to be cleaned with sugar soap, rinsed, and then sanded with a fine grade glass paper to give the new paint a surface on which to grip. If you just paint over existing paintwork without preparing the surface, the paint may flake and peel off!

It is personal choice on whether to paint the woodwork first or the walls. Generally, it is best to paint the emulsion on the walls first as emulsion does not always 'take' over gloss paint.

Once all the preparation has been completed on the walls and any filler rubbed smooth with fine glass paper - begin painting! When painting a light color over a dark existing color it is best to use an undercoat of white. Either that or be prepared to give the walls two or three coats of paint to ensure full coverage. Nothing looks worse than pale walls with the dark color showing through; it looks most unprofessional and you will not be happy with the result. Start by painting the wall from the top down, this will enable you make sure there are no paint runs in the finished wall.

After the woodwork has been prepared, begin painting from the top of the room down. Use a good quality primer on new wood, followed by the undercoat. When re-painting over existing paintwork it is best to use a 'one coat' gloss paint which is readily available from DIY shops and most hardware stores.

In painting windows, use masking tape to cover a small strip of the four edges of the glass. Paint from the top down to avoid drips and runs. Be mindful not to put too much paint on the brush as this will produce drips and runs. Also do not try to spread the paint too thinly as this will leave unsightly brush marks. Do not be tempted to pull off the masking tape for at least 24 hours; otherwise it will be a waste of time using it!

When you paint doors it is advisable to also begin painting at the top and work downwards; use a final up and down stroke of the brush to blend the paint in the same direction to help remove brush lines.

Don't forget to paint the baseboards! Use the same approach of preparation then painting.

When painting the exterior of the house, all old and flaking paint or rendering needs to be dealt with first. Once this has been removed begin painting either by hand, which is an arduous task or by using a paint sprayer. Which ever method is chosen it is advisable to cover the ground below and any features on the house with old newspaper or sheeting. Begin at the top and systematically work downwards.

Exterior woodwork should also be rubbed down with glass paper before attempting to paint. Work with a systematic approach from the top down. Try not to chose a windy day for painting outside woodwork otherwise you will end up with dust particles sticking to the wet paint!

Overview of Contemporary Door Styles and Materials

At one time doors were made from oak and little else. In this overview of contemporary door styles and materials, we get to see how materials such as softwoods, hardwoods, plywoods, metal and glass are all competing for popularity and making doors look more varied.

The most popular contemporary wooden doors are those in softwood or solid or veneered hardwood. They may have clear or translucent glass panels to allow light to spill from room to room. Others are made from plywood in a hollow box construction or from a composite-board material, which provides a perfectly smooth base for painted finish and can be cut into unconventional shapes. Metal frames have been a feature of external doors since the 1930s, and a few pioneering manufacturers are still in existence today, producing metal door and window frames in similar patterns to the originals, for those renovating Moderne houses or adopting that style.

Large metal-framed exterior doors containing a single pane of glass often form part of contemporary houses and extensions, allowing daylight to pour in and enhancing the feeling of space by visually merging the interior and exterior. Internal glass doors usually have a wood or metal frame and solid glazing bars to indicate their presence.

Most doors are still hung on hinges and open in, but this arrangement can be reversed to give more usable space inside the room, provided there is enough space outside for the door to open safely. Doors that divide rooms are traditionally hinged in pairs, but again, if space is limited, bi-fold or sliding doors may be a more practical option. Sliding doors come into their own as room dividers; when they are closed, they offer privacy and bring the intimacy of individual rooms; opened up, they create expandable, sociable spaces for larger gatherings.